[ text ] I'm drunk on lemonade.

[ text ] A book told me to bathe in milk. I have regrets.

[ text ] Help. I'm stuck in [insert name here]'s house and they won't let me leave.

[ text ] Last night, I used 7 champagne glasses to empty an orange juice carton and drank none of them.

[ text ] I accidentally sexted my mom.

[ text ] Why is my TV in the back hard.

[ text ] I can't find my phone.

[ text ] Sorry about calling you for pizza last night. I got you and the delivery number mixed up.

[ text ] I got prank called that my cat was in the freezer but I don't have a cat and I'm scared.

[ text ] Don't be alarmed. There's a pretty angry cat in your apartment.

[ text ] I don't know who you are but I want pizza.

[ text ] Do you have my dog?

[ text ] A Disney princess dress arrived today. When did I order it?

[ text ] All I have in my fridge is eggs.

[ text ] THERE IS A STRANGER IN MY HOME and xhe is politely asking for beer.

[ text ] All my underwear is gone.

[ text ] I just got mistaken for a porn star.

[ text ] Who's house am I in?

[ text ] I've been waiting for three hours and you're still in the bathroom.

[ text ] I have a collection of stolen doorknobs.

[ text ] Police just asked me where you are. You should hide.

[ text ] I think you underestimated the power of vodka. You told me that rainbows were a conspiracy.

[ text ] I wish I was a unicorn sometimes.

[ text ] The sky was green for like a second. fite me.

[ text ] You were so drunk last night that you hit on your reflection.

[ text ] I think we need to talk about last night.

[ text ] Pack your bags. Surprise road trip.

[ text ] Remind me to never drink again.

[ text ] Someone stole my table and only my table.

[ text ] There's a huge ass hole in my couch. It's bigger than my butt.

[ text ] All my pasta is gone and I can't find it.

[ text ] When will my dignity return from war.

[ text ] Apparently 'mmm watcha say' isn't funny anymore.

[ text ] In not brubk yuu ate.

[ text ] sleap wwat evn os sleeo

[ text ] auto cucumber is bae